This blog is about my life dealing with multiple digestive problems and feeding tubes. But it is also about my life in general, being married to M, working as a psychologist, having fun, being happy, and living life to its fullest no matter what.
Both Aimee and Aaliyah, but Aaliyah in particular, are very fond of cables of all kind.
This is what they have bitten through in the past few years:
three computer mice
one computer keyboard
three cell phone charge cables
one laptop charge cable
several tube feeding giving sets (apparently very cable-like :-) )
You would think that I should know this by now and move all my cables out of reach. Well, I keep forgetting - they just bit through another computer mouse.... - I think I should finally go for a wireless mouse....
The psychologist I work with (not my boss), the other intern, knows about my intestinal problems and he knows that I have a tube. I told him on my second day there. That way I can change my dressings in our room or apply some cream if my skin gets dry.
On Friday he asked me: "Now, why do you have that tube again?" I explained to him that my stomach empties really slowly and that I can't meet my very high energy needs orally. But he still didn't get it. He kept asking me, why I couldn't just eat more food or eat more calories etc. I guess I should have told me: "Imagine being so full that you are almost bursting and you have to eat another two pizzas because otherwise you will lose weight. And now imagine having to do that every day!"
Sometimes it is really difficult to get people to understand that I physically can't eat more.
M has registered at our church and I in turn, signed us up for the mandatory catholic marriage preparation class. Yes, here in Austria, if you want to have a church wedding, you have to take a marriage class. It's only a day, but still, it is a bit weird.
We also finally settled on the guest list (after talking it through in several sessions with our family therapist.....).
This afternoon we met up after work and selected our wedding invitations at a print shop. We had a really hard time deciding on the right card, but I think we selected an invitation that suits us both.
This weekend we will have to think of the text for the invitations.
We did a quick calculation tonight on our wedding budget, and it is going to be very tight. Of course there are the big things like my dress or M's suit, but it's the little things that start to add up.
Next week the online dates for our civil wedding on the 27th of August will be activated and first thing Monday morning I will sign us up for the 11:00 Am appointment.
I have had literally time to blog in the past week. I am working 40 hours a week, and as soon as I come home in the evening I start working on my thesis, then it's work-out time, get showered, hook up my feeds and off to bed at a decent time, since I have to get up just after 6 AM....
I got to examine my first patient all by myself in the past week. Both my colleague and my boss were busy with patients themselves and it was left to me to deal with this patient.
I was supposed to screen him for dementia. This patient was already 91 years old and when I walked down to the ward to get the patient I imagined a frail old man waiting for me. Instead he looked a lot younger and walked still quite well.
When I took his case history, I immediately felt that this old man was far from having dementia. He told me how he was born during the first world war, than worked as a pallbearer in a Siberian camp during World war II and only came back from the war, when he was already 28 years old. Listening to him really touched me, as he seemed to be a very wise old man. Talking to this patient, hearing his life story and his very wise words on how to live one's life to the fullest made my day.
I have been noticing a pattern. When my stomach is very slow and I feel accordingly, I reduce my oral intake, stick to low-fat, low-fiber foods, reduce my vegetable intake etc and increase the tube-feedings. I usually start feeling better within a few days.
I then am a good girl, stick to my diet and promise myself to keep on sticking to it. I then start to be less careful with my diet, think that I am feeling fine anyways, and slowly fat and fiber (and veggies and fruits for that matter) creep back into my diet. This actually works well for a day or two and then, lo and behold, the nausea and feeling of fullness come back and my stomach starts hurting again. Back I go again to my GP diet, again promise myself to stick to my diet etc., until a few days later, I feel good enough to defy all my resolutions and fall off the GP diet wagon once again.
It makes me sad and mad at the same time.
And yes, I have just fallen off the wagon again and am suffering big time....