Wednesday, April 28, 2010

All day studying in preparation for my big oral diploma exam

This is day three of all day studying in preparation for my big oral diploma exam at the end of June.
Starting up studying was as always a bit hard, lots of negative thoughts à la "I am never going to remember all of that", "I am not going to have enough time to learn all the required books", "I am going to surely fail the exam" etc....

It's really strange for me having all those negative thoughts, as I usually don't have that kind of negative inner voice anymore. Interestingly, whenever I start studying they always come up again - always in regards to my ability as a student. The problem is that those kind of negative thoughts actually paralyze me when I am trying to study, they try to draw away the attention from what I am actually supposed to do right now: study, study, study.

So, I am trying my best to fight those negative thoughts, using logic and positivity to counteract them!

I guess, intense, all day studying means that I have to be very consequent, not do a lot of the things I much rather like to do, be really persistent, and always keep going, no matter how tired I am - and I am always "in my head" - no wonder negative thoughts always creep back in when I am studying.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Trying very hard to not fall into a post-thesis hole

After my last thesis marathon in March instead of falling into a big hole, I had that awful stomach virus, but felt about the same in the end. Couldn't get myself to do anything for two weeks because I was so tired and exhausted.

After another thesis marathon last weekend and early this week, I am feeling very tired and exhausted again. I am having a really hard time with that, as I am supposed to study for my big oral diploma exam in June.

I guess I am just really worn down and after a couple good nights sleep everything will look better again.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Doing a happy dance!

I am done!!!
My thesis!!!

So happy now, exhausted, but happy. :-)

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Thesis marathon

On the medical front my dietician and I decided to put a hold on getting me admitted for work-up again. My gi-doc hasn't really been in touch with either of us anyway, and my dietician e-mailed him on Thursday that we will wait for a few more weeks, check my lab values again and if necessary contact him again. I am fine with that, I have so much to do right now that I have no time for hospital stays anyway.

But the exciting news is that my prof returned my thesis to me on Friday, and I therefore spent all weekend working on it. Hopefully I will be done by tomorrow, then finish my journal article and swing by my prof's on Tuesday. If all goes well, I will get my thesis printed this week!!!

So yes, one more day of hardcore thesis working, but I will get through it!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Patience - not my strong side

My dietician tried all Monday to get hold of my gi-doc, but couldn't get a hold of him until yesterday evening. How incredibly kind of her though to keep on trying to reach him even after work. Apparently he didn't really have time to talk, but told her will think about it, and I should contact him, as he might want to admit me for further testing.

I e-mailed him this morning, and now I am back to waiting again. Waiting for him to e-mail me back and tell me what his plans are. And patience really is not my strong side. I am trying my best to not check my e-mails obsessively, but it's really hard :-(

I am really torn too - I know that if he decides that he wants to admit me, I will have to follow his advice. But on the other hand I really have no time for that right now - got to finish my thesis, study for my oral diploma exam....

Monday, April 5, 2010

What happened to my bed?

M and I spent the easter weekend at my parents' house. With my brother being there too the guest room was already occupied and so my Mum, who due to my stepdad being an ear-plug-resistant snorer has her own bedroom, very generously let us have her bedroom.

As always I hooked up my tube feedings before going to sleep on Friday night. Even before hooking up I could feel that I had lots of pressure in my stomach and my intestines. Still, I needed to hook up anyway.
At 2.30 AM I woke up feeling something wet and sticky, switched on the light and realized that the pressure must have caused the med-port of my extension set to pop open and formula and unfortunately half-digested stomach contents as well had been leaking out of my tube, onto my night gown and on my Mum's bed. Up I got, switched off the feeds, got myself washed up and changed, removed my Mum's bedsheet, tried cleaning the mattress, gave up a couple minutes later, just put a towel on the spot, opened the window to get rid of the awful baby puke smell and went back to sleep.
My Mum, who had noticed the dirty stinky towels and bedsheet in her bathroom just asked herself in the morning: "What the hell happened to my bed?".

Before I continue with the story I should explain that my Mum does not have just any regular mattress, my Mum has a very expensive memory foam mattress. When I tried cleaning the mattress in the middle of the night, I actually only cleaned the woolen mattress cover that keeps the various foam layers in place. And apparently, as I found out later, I didn't do a really good job there either.

I have no idea why no-one thought of taking off the woolen cover and check out the state of the first foam layer on Saturday. Instead I just put a new bed-sheet on and slept on the same spot once again. Sunday morning we realized the extents of my formula mishap. Due to the fact that I slept two nights on the wet and soaked through mattress cover everything leaked through onto the foam as well and the memory foam did exactly what foam is supposed to do - it soaked up all the moisture and all the stinky half-digested formula as well.

My Mum was devastated and my stepdad and I went into action yesterday. Took off the mattress cover, threw it into the wahser, added bleach and hoped for the best. You won't believe it, but even though the spot looked a lot better, we could not get rid of the smell. On the opposite, the whole mattress cover now smelt like baby puke. That's when we got creative. We put the mattress cover on our wooden patio, my stepdad got the garden hose, gave me a laundry brush and some organic wool laundry detergent and off we went! While my stepdad hosed down the mattress cover, I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed trying to get rid of the smell. And we succeeded! After another cycle in the washer it finally smelt clean!

He then carried the first layer of the memory foam mattress down on the patio and while he hosed down the smelly spot I jumped up and down on the mattress with all my weight trying to get the water to rinse out the stinky formula. Even though we managed to get rid of the smell, the mattress by then was full of water. He put it up against the wall to let gravity work in getting rid of the excess water. I have no idea though, how long it will take for the foam to dry.

M and I are back in Vienna now, and I am trying not to feel bad and hoping that I did not ruin my Mum's expensive mattress.