Thursday, October 7, 2010

Impatience, worries, thoughts....

My dietician told me yesterday that she is giving two courses today, and that I won't hear anything from her today.
Still, I am nervous, unsure, impatient etc.

In my ideal world, I would receive an e-mail from my GI doc today, telling me that he has reconsidered the GJ-tube topic.

In this Tubegirl's world - no e-mail has been delivered to my inbox so far, contributing to my impatience and worries. I am usually not a worrier, but when it comes to decisions or life-changing events like these, I can't help but think about it - a lot...

I am really scared. I know I am losing weight, hard to believe at 2.400 kcal a day... I don't like losing weight at all, I loved being at a higher weight, having lots of energy, being able to go running a few times a week. I am not running at the moment, knowing that I have no energy to spare.
I know things cannot go on like this. I am supposed to start my internship (full-time) in a few weeks, I am supposed to be functioning then.

Sometimes I am questioning myself if I am working hard enough to get my stomach going. And I am worried that things will continue to go down-hill. And I am having a hard time accepting the fact that I really might need a J-tube to make things easier on my digestive system.

I have not yet heard back from my Mum's TCM (traditional chinese medicine) doc. But knowing that TCM is definitely not a quick-fix, I still think that following other options at least for the now is appropriate.

I am also still trying to find out if I can get my hands on a Kimberly Clark Mic-key GJ-button-tube. The thought that I am having to go back to a traditional style peg-tube with a j-extension is playing on mind too.

M just left to visit his parents in Tyrol, and I am trying to keep myself occupied.
"Get up, dress up, and show up" - that's my motto for the week.

This said, I am going to switch off the computer, go out to run some much needed errands, clean the apartment, and maybe do some sewing and ironing in the evening!

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