Saturday, November 12, 2011

Flare :-(

I haven't been in a real flare for a few months now, almost forgot how awful it feels to be nauseated all the time. Looking back it probably started last Sunday, and maybe if I had taken better care of myself and not given into eating some stuff that I usually don't eat in the past week, I might have gotten away with just a mini-hick-up. It came it the most inopportune moment, as I had to travel to Innsbruck on Thursday for a two day Neuropsych class. Yesterday it got so bad that even water and tea hurt me. I also had so much pain in my lower body. I even had to turn down my feeding rate yesterday evening. I knew that I would only get myself out of this flare if I stay away from food for the next few days, and thankfully as of a few hours ago, I am starting to feel a little tiny bit better. I am on my way home to Vienna right now. Tomorrow I will take it easy and maybe spend a day on the couch (or in bed) with the kitties. And hopefully I will feel better for work on Monday.

I have been having a really hard time in the past few weeks with not being able to eat like everyone else. I have discussed it endlessly with M, trying to figure out how I could eat more orally without getting sick. M doesn't encourage my oral eating because he has to deal with the consequences as well (I usually eat on weekends, so as not to have me feeling sick interfere with work - but that also means that M has to deal with me being sick on weekends when he wants to spend some quality time with his wife.)

M of course couldn't resist yesterday evening when we talked on the phone - being very sarcastic and telling me that we should really talk about me eating more orally.... "leave me alone" I said - the thought of food adding to my nausea.... I really am grateful about my feeding tube, even though I do have my moments. It's just that sometimes I simply crave normalcy.

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